Entry 14

Wow. So. Yesterday something really awful happened.

A couple of times on this blog I think I mentioned my ex. I probably called him an asshole because, yeah I'm not going to deny it he was a pretty big asshole. His real name is, or was Trent.

He was murdered yesterday.

Yeah, I just found out yesterday evening, in kind of a freaky way. The police came over to inform me, which is a nice way of saying they wanted to make sure I hadn't flown off then handle and murdered him in cold blood. Can't blame them. If I found a dead kid, the first person I'd talk to would be the angry schizophrenic ex also.

Don't worry though, I haven't gone farther than across the street since I got back from the hospital, and I was helping Peg take inventory last night so my alibi checks out. They weren't all that happy though to hear about my recent relapse. Like I said, can't blame them.

Apparently what happened was he didn't come home a few days ago and no one knew where he was. Then this morning, some park ranger or something found his body floating in the swamp. I don't know all the details but apparently however he died it wasn't exactly...pleasant. The police said something about mutilation, which I guess is part of how they know it was murder.

This whole thing. I guess I feel kind of numb. I just, I didn't want that to happen. How could I? I've been so mad at him for the last couple of years over what he did, but now I feel like I should really awful about that, but I don't. I feel sick.

I met Trent back when we were fifteen, and we started dating a little after that. He was cool, and sweet and really nice and he was one of those rare people didn't treat me like a time bomb. I really liked being around him, it felt easy. I don't get along really well with other people, and not just because of the schizophrenia thing. I've never been able to relate well to the people around me, not to mention never had much time with them to learn how, but him?  It just felt like the two of us hit the same wave length. There never was any drama between us or misunderstandings, not even a lot of fights. He was never hard to be around. Not ever. I mean...I thought he really liked me.

Then one day he started acting really weird. It was sporadic,  but everyone now and again he'd get really clingy and possessive, or he'd give me the cold shoulder. I couldn't figure out up was up with him, and he never wanted to talk about it when I asked him. Then one day we were at his place and we were hanging out and watching baseball or something and out of nowhere he sort of lost it and he called me a psychotic bitch and told me to get out. Then he just stopped talking to me all together. He didn't say one thing to me, just acted like I'd never existed. I wanted to ask him why he was upset but he just ignored me, and the entire thing was this big emotional mess I did not respond to with the grace I probably should have.

And now he's dead. What do I even do with that?
I think a part of me still wanted to be with him, at least the him I knew before he became an ass. I don't even know.

There's a funeral on Monday. Peg doesn't want me to go, but I think I probably should.  I don't know, I'm going to call Ms. Millman and see what she thinks.

We'll see how things go.