This week has been one long dark tunnel of sleepless suck; sleepless being the worst thing about it. According to Ms. Millman it's a natural response to death and most of this week has been spent on relaxation exercises that are supposed to help me deal with the grief or stress or whatever it is plaguing my psyche. I went and got a facial. A damn facial! What was that even supposed to do? Are my pores filled with neurotoxins?
Ughh...Sorry, I'm supposed to be talking about my feelings, but there isn't really anything interesting or unprecedented there. I feel tired, and guilty, and upset, and lots of negative things.
I had another episode this week. I don't even remember it because I was sleep walking, but I was flipping out and somehow I managed to smash the majority of my flower pots, which isn't a huge tragedy because I didn't really like them anyway, but still. I've had a couple other night terrors, and Ms. Millman's suggesting I go back to the ward for a while. It feels like I just got out though.
In other news, I finally went through that box Trent's mom gave me. It was...interesting, and by that I mean completely one hundred percent creepy. Sure there was my ratty old jacket, and some cards I'd sent him, but then there was this shoe box with my name on it. He had medical files in there! My medical files!
What. The. HELL?
How did he even? It doesn't make sense! The only thing I can imagine he did was copied them at some point when he was at my house, which would have meant he had stolen them at one point. This puts an entirely different spin on our relationship, and once again, I feel no remorse for egging his house. I don't know if that makes me an asshole or what but...How dare he! HOW DARE HE. What did he even want to do with those? Why would he feel the need to take them? Did he just want to see how much of a nutball I was? Verify that claim? Was that why he dumped me? It doesn't make sense.
He had other weird stuff in there too like one of my better pots, (which for some reason did not get smashed in my sleeping escapade,) and about a pound of paper he had scribbled all over. It was messed up, with all these circles with X's in it. It's like something right out of one of those thrillers I don't watch, and it is freaky as hell.
I...just, I'm so angry about the whole thing, and I guess I have a right to be. Peg told me there's not a lot I can do about it now, and she's right. I called Trent's mom to ask about the papers and while we were talking about it she started crying so I let it go. That's the right thing to do, right? I shouldn't go around stirring up things I can't change, but now what happened to Trent is all I can think about anymore and I just
I need to calm down and get some sleep is what I need. So yeah. Whatever.
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